Saras India

This is my view of it all. It might not be correct, but this is how I see it.

I live in a country where marriage is one of the most important things in a girls life. Families have to find a good husband (when it comes to character, finance, family etc) for their daughter. The standards are different depending if you are from a high class, middle class or a low class society, and it might also work differently on how they find the husband for their daughter. Sometimes love marraiges are allowed, but I think that mostly is accepted in high class and sometimes middle class families. One thing that is very tabu, and almost not accepted in any part of society, is divorce.

For me it is a big mystery how you can agree on (okay, many times you might not have a choice) marrying someone that you have met only for a few times, and then expect to be with that person for life. In the west, we do have relationships, we "try" our partner for a long time, to see if we want to spend the rest of our life with that person. Here in India, you most of the time dont have that "luxury". So, how can you expect to be married to a stranger, and spend the rest of your life with that person? So many times a person is nice in the initial part, but later on changes.

My main question when it comes to arranged marriages is; How can you know you want to spend your life with this person? The answers I get from various indians is that you listen to relatives and friends, how that person is, and you also see if his family is good, then he will be good. But my question always remains; How can you know?

Anyway, what I want to come back to is the tabu, divorce. In high and middle class society it is still accepted, in some cases I guess. But you dont want to be divorced. My guess is that you try very hard and stay with your spouse, because it is easier than being a divorcee. In low class my guess is that it is almost a crime. This is why I really look up to my maid.

My maid is a really cool lady, and I wish I could communicate with her more. She knows very less english; Hi, Lunch? Finish. Bye. And my Kannada (local language) is even more limited; illa, which means something like nothing or no.  

She has 2 daughters, they both speak english and goes to school. The oldest (around 20 of age I think) sometimes asks me for help regarding her homework, and I gladly help her. My maid takes very good care of her kids and feed them and buy things for them as much as she can. She has a husband. A small, slim thing. He is an alcoholic and he is abusive. He has hit her repetedly, I guess mostly when he is drunk, and her small daughter (6 years) has tried to go in between when he is hitting her.

My maid has kicked him out. He is not living with them anymore. Once in a while he comes here, standing outside our gate and scream at her and the kids. Last time he said he would come back in the night and kill one of the daughters (he talks a lot, but he doesnt dare to do anything here).

He might still be her husband, but I really admire her for kicking him out, protecting not only her but her two kids from an abusive father. This must have been a very hard decision for her to make. I know that there are so many families where the husband is abusive, but the wife is still with him because of the shame of being alone/getting a divorce and because it is hard for a single woman to take care of herself and kids. And she is working hard to get money to take care of her small family. She is loving and caring and she even sometimes comes to our house and give us food, when she should give that for her family instead.

My maid is really an awesome woman.