Saras India

I really like my maid and her daughters. The youngest (6 years) has a lot of energy and you sometimes do need a break from her. Her sister, she will turn 20 in June, is really sweet. I always talk to her when she comes and helps her mom clean our house.  She told me that she left school when her sister was born, to take care of her and help her mom. So since the age of 14 she hasnt been to a proper school. She has some homework sometimes but I dont know from where she gets them. She comes to our house every day to clean the house and she works in the beauty saloon on the second floor of our building. The other day we were talking about marriage and I asked her when she would get married.

She told me that her mom is searching for a boy she can marry, but that she has not found one yet. Her mom came inside my room and also wanted to talk with us. She spoke in Kannada so her daughter translated for me. Her mom told me that she was looking for a boy but she had not found one yet. And she also mentioned how could she find one, she doesnt have any money, she works as a maid. Her daughter asked me if I knew anyone and I said I will see if I find someone. Again her mother said that she doesnt have money so she cant pay for it. When I said I would try to find someone that had money and could pay himself they both laughed. So I guess that is not how it will work here..

Sometimes you meet people, or families, that you really like and you want them to get a good life. I wish I could help them with money and pay for everything around the wedding so the daughter will get a good husband. But unfortunately right now, I am not able to help out. But since the maid herself got a pretty bad husband, I am sure she will find a nice man for her daughter.

There are various reasons why I havent written in my blog in a long time. But when my friends asks me why are you not writing anything? And when some random guy goes through all the work finding out my number to call and say that he has read my blog for a long time and really, really likes it, then I feel guilty for not writing anything for those who actually enjoy it.

It kind of made my day, when that random person called me to say how much he liked my blog, and tried to convince me he wasnt one of those weird guys that I have been writing about in my blog before. He also, before we ended the conversation asked me to not write this in my blog. Oops, sorry about that!

Anyway, I am leaving India next week to meet two new familymembers! I am so happy to go back home and see them. I have lots of regards to give to my family and the new ones and specially to the lovely I. She is very, very popular here.. How lovely indians are. Even though they have never met, seen (in real life) or talked to my family they still want me to send their regards, love and best wishes.

This is my view of it all. It might not be correct, but this is how I see it.

I live in a country where marriage is one of the most important things in a girls life. Families have to find a good husband (when it comes to character, finance, family etc) for their daughter. The standards are different depending if you are from a high class, middle class or a low class society, and it might also work differently on how they find the husband for their daughter. Sometimes love marraiges are allowed, but I think that mostly is accepted in high class and sometimes middle class families. One thing that is very tabu, and almost not accepted in any part of society, is divorce.

For me it is a big mystery how you can agree on (okay, many times you might not have a choice) marrying someone that you have met only for a few times, and then expect to be with that person for life. In the west, we do have relationships, we "try" our partner for a long time, to see if we want to spend the rest of our life with that person. Here in India, you most of the time dont have that "luxury". So, how can you expect to be married to a stranger, and spend the rest of your life with that person? So many times a person is nice in the initial part, but later on changes.

My main question when it comes to arranged marriages is; How can you know you want to spend your life with this person? The answers I get from various indians is that you listen to relatives and friends, how that person is, and you also see if his family is good, then he will be good. But my question always remains; How can you know?

Anyway, what I want to come back to is the tabu, divorce. In high and middle class society it is still accepted, in some cases I guess. But you dont want to be divorced. My guess is that you try very hard and stay with your spouse, because it is easier than being a divorcee. In low class my guess is that it is almost a crime. This is why I really look up to my maid.

My maid is a really cool lady, and I wish I could communicate with her more. She knows very less english; Hi, Lunch? Finish. Bye. And my Kannada (local language) is even more limited; illa, which means something like nothing or no.  

She has 2 daughters, they both speak english and goes to school. The oldest (around 20 of age I think) sometimes asks me for help regarding her homework, and I gladly help her. My maid takes very good care of her kids and feed them and buy things for them as much as she can. She has a husband. A small, slim thing. He is an alcoholic and he is abusive. He has hit her repetedly, I guess mostly when he is drunk, and her small daughter (6 years) has tried to go in between when he is hitting her.

My maid has kicked him out. He is not living with them anymore. Once in a while he comes here, standing outside our gate and scream at her and the kids. Last time he said he would come back in the night and kill one of the daughters (he talks a lot, but he doesnt dare to do anything here).

He might still be her husband, but I really admire her for kicking him out, protecting not only her but her two kids from an abusive father. This must have been a very hard decision for her to make. I know that there are so many families where the husband is abusive, but the wife is still with him because of the shame of being alone/getting a divorce and because it is hard for a single woman to take care of herself and kids. And she is working hard to get money to take care of her small family. She is loving and caring and she even sometimes comes to our house and give us food, when she should give that for her family instead.

My maid is really an awesome woman.

One day for purchasing
One day for delivery
One day for putting it together for me.

Three days before having it ready in my room. Worth it? Absolutely!

I have got a new piece of furniture for my room. It is apparently something that all the women in India has. I bought it yesterday, got it delivered today and tomorrow it will be put together. I say thanks for IKEA, where you buy it, take it home yourself and put it together yourself. So it will be ready and done when you want it to be.. 

Here, it takes me numerous of phonecalls to ask where the serviceguy is,  the one who has to put it together for me. I got one promise that he would be here today, 5ish. Now I have a promise that he will be here tomorrow morning 11ish. So lets see whenever he comes..

When these things happen (not that I buy furnitures so often) I really miss IKEA. Here in India you pay for anything, people dont seem to do things themselves. I remember when I lived with my old roommate, there was a bed in my room that needed to be sold. My roommate complained that she was waiting for some guy. I asked which guy, and she said, the guy who will dismantle the bed. I started laughing and wondered why she couldnt do it herself. It was like three screws! But like I said, you dont do these things yourself here. Why get your own hands dirty when it will only cost you a few rupees for someone else to dirty their hands for you. I doubt that the concept of IKEA would work here, where you get all the tools, screws and instructions to do it yourself.

I cant stop thinking about my friend. What happened? I want to know what exactly happened. And why did it happen? I am pretty sure why, but how? How can someone be murdered? Did my friend know what was going to happen? Was it a surprise? Did my friend suffer? Did my friend struggle? Was my friend in pain? Was it over fast? Was my friend tortured? Was my friend kidnapped? Was my friend scared? Did my friend know the person/people who did it? What was going through my friends mind? Who threw my friend on the side of the road like garbage? Who could do something like this? Does the murderer feel guilty? Did the murderer enjoy it? Was the murderer paid to do it by someone else? Will the murderer get caught?

I remember all the times me and my friends were hanging out. We were like the three musketeers. Every single day we were hanging out. We had a lot of fun, and I look back at these memories with warmth. Roadtrips, parties, eating out, eating at home, just hanging, sleeping, talking... I didnt meet my friend for almost six months when this happened. My friend had left Bangalore and gone home so we didnt meet in a long time. I could never imagine this would happen.

I remember the first time I saw my friend, and I remember the first time we spent some time together. I dont often do that, but with this friend of mine I do. It all started with a glas of white wine and a shared pancake with chocolate in the mall close to our house. After that, it was always us. The person I could always trust and count on.